Do you know what, I think I have a little bit of a crush on someone. Just a little bit, completely harmless, completely not going anywhere ever. But it feels fabulous! Just adds a touch of mental zing to my day. I'm 40 (is there's an age related expiry date to the ability of having crushes?), I am very happily married but I'm swooning just a little bit and loving every minute of it. :)
Yes, I know I have been conspicuously absent the last few weeks... *hangs head in shame*
Well, that's down to 3 reasons:
1. failing health - AGAIN! Accumulated pains and aches, colds, a sprained ankle, total loss of voice..you name it, I got it
2. I've been sucked into Facebook! Username's "Michaela Deas" if anyone feels like tracking me down.
3. Best excuse EVER: Steve's book was officially published last Thursday!! Wait.. let me say that again and capitalise it for good measure.. STEVE'S BOOK WAS OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED LAST THURSDAY!!
It is called "The Adamantine Palace" and is part one of a dragon-centric trilogy. And it's obviously fabulous!! Sold to Germany, France and the States already, coming out in Australia in May. Available in all bookstores, on Amazon..you get the idea..
oh, and Joe Abercrombie says it rocks too!
..and here's the link to the website http://www.stephendeas.com/
"Mummy, I love you"
"How much? Lots and lots?"
"Yes, mummy! Lots and lots of muches!!!"
Son no. 2 has me SO wrapped around his little damp fingers... *sighs*
It's been a few days since I've come back from Germany but I've only just found the right moment to post. What was supposed to be a trip to celebrate my best friends birthday (as we do every year) was very suddenly changed into something different altogether when on Sunday 08/02 I received a phonecall. "The" phonecall that I had been secretly dreading for a good while now, a call that confirmed my worst fears. My ex had committed suicide! Instead of celebrating my best friends birthday, I'd be burying my ex..the world stopped spinning, the walls closed in and my mind went blank while my friend was sobbing on the other end of the line.
Gone. Forever. Gone.
And what's worse, by personal choice.
The thought that nothing I said, no help I offered, no amount of hugs, hours of talk, bottles of wine, nothing..nothing made a difference in the end, no one could have stopped him. He was severely depressed, and thinking back, had been for a long time. And the loneliness and the void just got too much. I told him that I had been in the very same place. Not being able to see the "light", wanting to kill myself rather than having to live through one more day in this darkness. I was depressed too, thought I was going crazy, didn't recognise myself any more. And I thought it was too much effort to go on, too painful and it would be better for everyone else if I just "left" rather than have Steve and my children watch me push the self destruct button day after day. But in the end, my desire to grow old with Steve and watch my boys grow up won over and I sought help. A year on, and I can say that antidepressants make all the difference in the world and it tears me apart to know that I couldn't make my ex take one last chance and follow in my footsteps to seek professional help.
As much as I miss him, as much as I will always love him (we were together for over a decade and remained the best of friends until the end), I also have to respect his decision. He was a grown-up man and entitled to decide when "enough was simply enough".
He was so gentle and kind. Someone with the biggest heart. Always trying to understand everything and everyone, trying not to be judgemental, seeing the good in everyone but never being able to see the good in himself. To acknowledge his own talent and to know just how many friends he had, how many people loved him and how deserving he was of being loved.
I find some comfort in the knowledge that he's no longer lonely - and who knows, maybe I will see him again one day. And then I will tell him off, give him the biggest of bear hugs and then patiently listen to endless hours of EBM while playing "Risk" - without the hint of a complaint.
And we will laugh...
Rest in peace, my love xx
"My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed is ours
Moments lost and time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
(VNV Nation - 'My beloved')
..by all means, anything..
Just don't call me "cute"!! Someone did this again very recently and I hate it. This particular person obviously had no idea and certainly didn't mean to grump me (quite the contrary, I suspect). But, man, does it tick me off! I am fat, forty (well, almost) and fabulous. I may well also fit lots of other descriptions like "funny, loving, caring,flirty,mischievous, intelligent, "Shit misstress of Narkland* is one of my particular favourites coined by my darling husband for my not so memorable days.. but DO NOT call me cute!!
I'm sick and tired of it - "cute" makes me think of little girls, kittens, fluffy things, pinkness, flowers and butterflies - and that is most certainly NOT me!
What about "sexy, seductive and mysterious"? What about that? What's wrong with that,eh, EH??!!
Did I mention that I really do not get Twitter? I find it rather annoying actually.Especially if I end up getting only bits of conversations that people appear to be having, all mashed together into one garbled post. And besides, do I really need to know which one of my friends had toast this morning and how all the crumbs are now stuck in cracks that have not seen the light of day in a long time?
So, yes.. I say a firm "No" to Twitter - Leech of my increasingly special spare time!
Trouble is, I am finding myself slowly getting sucked into the whole thing actually and this is where it gets really embarrassing. My resistance is slowly fading like the slush outside my front door.
And it's all because of YOU, Stephen and Neil!!
Yes, damn you Mr. Fry and Mr. Gaiman - damn that wit!!! Damn it!!!!
Part of me is utterly delighted by the thick white blanket of snow everywhere and how the world has suddenly fallen silent.
Part of me however thinks "Fuck this, damned school closure.. I was looking forward to some "me time" today!!
Ha!! And nursery's just rung to say they're closing the place at 1pm today... How on earth am I going to get there to rescue my 3 year old??? *headsdesk*( Read more...Collapse )
Goodies anyone?? :)
The first SIX (6) people to respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about or tailored to those six who respond first.
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
-- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
-- What I create will be just for you.
-- It'll be done this year.
-- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a mix tape. It may be fic, or a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
-- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you!
duly posted as requested by <lj user="duskdragonwing">
Reply to this and I will
1. Tell you why I befriended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ
Crappy synths, catchy chorus and a voice that makes me think "Bananarama and Joan Jetts lovechild?!"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN8HwUxFouM